Artwork: Conversation Pieces

Homes are filled with a variety of pieces of artwork in any number of forms. Our walls, tabletops and shelves are filled with works of art we love, some passed down through our families and some created by us. Several are paintings our daughter, Abigail, and I have made while listening to worship music, connecting with the Father’s heart and listening to the leading of Holy Spirit as we created the piece in front of us.

When Abigail turned 18 recently, we had artwork created that would last the rest of our lives - we got tattoos. It may not be the “usual” way for a mother and daughter to celebrate a landmark birthday, but it was incredibly meaningful to both of us and we made a memory we’ll never forget! One of the main reasons we did it together is because in the coming year, Abigail is going to be going on the World Race, a nine-month long mission trip to three continents. This was a way to draw us close in heart when we won’t be able to be together physically.

When we went, Abigail got the word, “Chosen,” tattooed onto her shoulder. This is a word that God has spoken to her heart often over the last couple of years and is connected to I Peter 2:9, one of her favorite scripture verses and perfect in light of her upcoming trip. It says, “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness and into His wonderful light.”

In matching font, I got “Beloved…” with a bird flying above the script. I knew that I needed to be reminded countless times throughout the day that I AM beloved and see it enough until I never question my worth again, despite my faults or the number that may be on the scale. I also wanted the “…” to be my version of the semi-colon used to signify support of suicide prevention and the choice to continue life. I did it in honor of our friends’ daughter whose passing the year prior rocked all of our worlds and for others whom I love who have chosen life, rather than death. Last, but not least, I knew I wanted a bird with it. I wasn’t entirely sure why…I love birds…the Holy Spirit is spoken of as a dove…I just knew that it was supposed to be part of the design, even if I didn’t fully understand the reason why. After last Saturday evening’s church service, I now better understand how this work of art was a message straight from God’s heart to mine and I wanted to share it.

First, during worship, there were some phrases sung within some of the song lyrics that really spoke to me – enough so that I wrote them down as I sang them. Paraphrasing, it was, “Stories end…Your steady love sustains me through it all...I belong to You.” It was in that moment of worship that I understood that the “…” represented so much more to me personally than just a choice to not end one’s life. For me, it’s that MY story continues each and every day. It’s not complete. It’s still in process and as my story is being written, it’s from the perspective that I belong to Him. For me, it’s not a matter of choosing life or death, but knowing that my life story is still being written with new sentences and chapters beginning each day, giving me renewed hope for what the future holds. Things aren’t going to stay the same. They WILL change.

My deeper understanding continued when at the end of the teaching on “Hearing God’s Voice,” we were led in an exercise of asking Jesus questions and listening for His responses, writing down both the question and the first thing we heard. It was an amazing, enlightening, revelatory conversation with my Savior:

Me: “What do You want to give me today?”

Jesus: “Peace.”

Me: “Why peace?” (There were so many other things I expected He would offer. Peace took me by surprise.)

Jesus: “Because you need it. Chaos has swirled around you, but it is not of Me.” (I saw a picture of me twirling around and around with my arms outstretched, the wind swirling about me, and it was dizzying.)

Me: “Jesus, is there anything You would want to me give You tonight?”

I saw my empty, open hands. “I have nothing,” was what I thought. Then, I simply knew that’s exactly what Jesus was asking of me – nothing. He just wanted my empty hands. Nothing was required of me. For a “doer” and an “earner,” that can be a hard place to rest within, but it was freeing.

Me: “Jesus, what do you see when you look at me?”

Jesus: “A soaring bird.”

Me: “Why?”

Jesus: “I’ve given you flight. You fly above the storms and the wind carries you. It uplifts you and holds you aloft. That’s what the wind is designed to do – not to create chaos, but to hold you aloft.”

I suddenly understood why I was compelled to make the bird part of the design of my tattoo and why it was placed as it was – in a soaring position. The storms do come and they come often, usually in raging fashion. Being reminded of the purpose of the wind and how it’s intended to carry and uplift me, not create chaos, enables me to shift my focus from fear to faith, having confidence in the Creator of that wind and His plan for it.

I’m a visual learner, comprehending and processing ideas and information best through pictures. Divine creativity inspires my soul, speaking to me in ways that only images can, drawing me closer to His heart. I may not have fully understood what I was doing in designing the artwork on my forearm, but God did and I will continue to be reminded of His words to me every day of the rest of my life.

So the question remaining to be asked is, "What is the artwork around you speaking to YOUR soul?" 

Listen for His still, small voice in it. You may be surprised by the conversations your artwork inspires…

Gut Job

There are times when you walk into an area of a home and simply declare it a total “gut and rebuild.” For any number of reasons the area needs to have everything ripped out of it, solely leaving behind the studs. Even those are likely to be replaced because more often than not, during this type of renovation, the layout is changed, requiring studs to be rearranged and fortified in order to create a new space for living enjoyment. In situations like that, a vision for what that area will become helps get you through the mess, the delays, and the chaos. Being able to know that it will look brand new – unlike anything it used to be, and that you’ll really love living in it when it’s finished, provides the motivation to push through and complete the job.

Inner healing can feel much the same way – like having everything ripped out down to the studs and the area rearranged, until there’s nothing left of the former self in that space. It reaches into places you may have wanted to leave untouched or entirely hidden; places you’ve purposefully chosen to ignore. It can touch areas beyond repair, resulting in an experience that can be gut wrenching, painful beyond description. However, when you know that the finished restoration will exceed anything you’d ever hoped for because the Master Builder is the One at work and He’s promised that His work will always far exceed anything we could ever ask for or imagine in our own minds, you can have a vision, even if that vision is simply a hope, for what will be when the renovation is complete.  This is what compels you to move forward through the process, through the pain.

Sometimes the most challenging aspect can be the time required for the project to be completed. Oftentimes, homeowners hit a point of frustration because things are beginning to come together and it’s nearing the time of being able to move into and enjoy the space, but there’s additional time needed for completion. Certain elements need to “cure,” paint colors still need to be finalized, special order items haven’t arrived yet, delaying installation and leaving the homeowners anxious to simply get things finished. Perhaps it’s even causing them to become angry with their Builder because the process may be taking longer than expected. They no longer want to wait for the custom cabinets or finishes to arrive. They just want to be done, but it’s those custom pieces that make the space unique…individual. If the owners move into the space too soon, they’ll never be satisfied because that area will always remind them that they settled for less and that it never fully became all that it could have been because they were impatient.

It takes trust in your General Contractor to believe that a project like this really will come together, become what has been promised to you and that it will be completed in perfect timing. Allowing this depth of work in one’s own heart requires a belief that even though it’s painful, the process is one that is filled with absolute love for you and that your heart is being held with hands that are well-acquainted with the kind of suffering, rejection, fear, or abandonment you may be experiencing. There is nothing He hasn’t suffered on our behalf – He’s been here in this place before us and it is His unfailing love that not only sustains us through the renovation process, but also leaves us strengthened and able to enjoy the newness created within our hearts and souls. 

Clinging

This morning, I’m finding myself clinging to God. 

In my human frailty, I recognize my complete and utter need of Him.

Clinging, leaning into…these are postures I should have before Him every day – not just when I feel the need of Him. Yet, I am independent, sure of myself, confident – all beautiful qualities He created in me…yet each are trappings that can draw me away if I allow it.

In this moment, however, I find myself broken…at the end of myself, unable to change things of my own accord, completely at a loss…I’ve been here so often, fought hard for so long and I’m tired. I’m tired of fighting the same fight, finding myself in the same place time after time after time…revisiting that which I never want to return to, but seemingly unable to escape, held captive…

Then truth sinks in and I remember that I am no longer a slave – to fear, to poverty, to sickness, to lack in any way and I remember that He is perfect in all of His ways and in the midst of very real struggle, I can trust. I can trust because He IS a good Father. I understand His fierce love for me because I know the measure of my love for my own children. Because of that, I can better grasp the depth of love He has for me.

In the midst of all that I cannot comprehend, I CAN hold fast to knowing that because of His deep love for me, He has a plan that is GOOD, not “evil.” I can stand, even when I feel that all is crumbling around me, because I know that the truths that are deep in my heart are founded on that which is solid rock.

And…I can PRAISE HIM because He sees the end from the beginning…and His ways are higher than mine…and HE LOVES ME…

With that knowledge, I can stand. I can wait. I can hold fast – even when the winds and storms rage. I can rest and have peace within, even when nothing makes sense and I just don’t understand.

I’m no longer a slave to fear or to anything else and with that knowledge, I will NOT be shaken because He IS a good Father and I AM loved by Him.

“No Longer Slaves” (Bethel Music)

“Good Good Father” (Housefires II)

Matthew 7:24-27

Jeremiah 29:11

If Walls Could Talk

I love old homes – homes with history, homes with a past either known or obscure, homes that have LASTED a hundred years or more…

I imagine what life was like for the very first family who lived there and those who followed. Did that first family build the home themselves or was it built for them? What was our country like at that time and how did the home’s family fit into their community? Who visited their home? Were there any weddings there? Was anyone born there? Did anyone die there? What were holidays like? Did they have servants or did they do everything themselves? Were there any balls or parties held in the home? What secrets or declarations of love were whispered in the alcoves with only the walls privy to hear?

I think about the stories that the walls could tell if only they had a voice. What did they see? What did they hear? I can imagine them weeping with their inhabitants in times of sorrow and laughing along with them in times of joy. To sit and listen to the walls would be like sitting and listening to my grandmother tell stories of growing up in rural West Virginia at the start of the 20^th century. I would sit in rapt attention. I would laugh, I would weep and I would ask the walls to tell me again…and again….

It got me thinking. In all the homes in which I’ve lived, what stories could the walls tell about ME? About MY life? Would they be things I would want others to hear and know about or things that I’d rather have kept silent with no voices to tell of my past or even my present?

The walls of our homes hear our conversations. They see our actions. Would they speak of love, of joy, of good-natured teasing and of forgiveness for the times when mistakes were made? Or, would they speak of anger, bitterness, chastisement, ridicule, pain, rage, infidelity, coarse language and hidden sins?

I think each of our homes would speak of both – love and rage, forgiveness and ridicule, joy and pain. That’s life. What matters is what we do in each of those moments, how we handle those times and most importantly, how we care for the hearts held within those walls. We choose.

Anger and mistakes can be forgiven and let go…or they can be held onto, festering and infecting all those within reach. Simple joys can be looked upon with delight or scorned and thought of as ridiculous. Even times of sorrow can be shared together in common grief and the journey of healing traveled as one…or the walls can echo with the sounds of blame, rage, and the tearing apart of the very fabric that has bound the family together.  We choose. Each time, we choose.

I long for the walls of our home to resound with the worship of the Lord of our lives. I want them to ooze love, getting it all over anyone who enters. I want the very air that we breathe in to be filled with His presence and for each person who comes through our door to sense Him and His sheer delight in their very existence. We choose.

We’re not perfect. Our walls WILL tell of anger, of harsh words, of pain and even of hidden sins. But…they’ll also speak of the unconditional love of the One Who gave His life in order for us to be forgiven for all of the times we’ve made mistakes and hurt those whom we love and how that unconditional love has made it possible for us to forgive one another. They’ll speak of the ways we made things right when we got things so wrong. They’ll speak of the love between us that chooses to believe the best even in the face of the worst. Our walls will speak of courage in the face of shame and failure and they’ll tell our stories of success.

If the walls of your home could speak, what would they say? You choose. 

Pursuing God

Recently, we were worshipping at a church service to a song called Pursuit by Jesus Culture.

As I sang, “I will pursue You…I will pursue Your presence…” I got a picture in my mind of literally chasing after Jesus, in pursuit of Him far ahead. Then, all of a sudden, He was right in front of me, facing me, only inches away. I didn’t understand and asked Him what it meant.

He explained that pursuit can come in different forms. It can be running AFTER someone, trying to catch up to them. However, when Someone WANTS to be pursued, rather than running AWAY, that Person wants to be “caught,” so they STOP…turn around…move toward the pursuit…and come face to face with the one pursuing them, engaging with them so that it becomes a place of intimate relationship and connection.

After nearly 24 years of marriage, I’ve finally begun to understand more fully my husband’s need to be pursued by me. I’ve always considered it to be the man’s role to pursue the woman, but in understanding his need better, I’ve understood the concept of pursuing Jesus on a deeper level.

As much as I love to be pursued by my husband because it makes me feel loved, desired, secure and beautiful in his eyes, my pursuit of him gives him much the same sense of feeling loved, accepted, and wanted, filling needs within him that only I, as his wife can fill. It makes him feel empowered, confident and secure. It takes me out of my comfort zone and it positions me to put his needs before my own, loving selflessly without expecting anything in return, but what I am given in response is far more than I could have asked for if I’d even thought of it.

It’s the same when pursuing Jesus. When I chase after Him, He is captivated by me. He stops in His tracks and turns His full, loving attention on me. Being pursued by me fills HIM in a way that only I can because there is no one else like me. There’s a place within His heart that only I can fill and He has a need for me to fill that place with my love and adoration. That doesn’t make Him any less God, any less omnipotent or less omniscient. That simply affirms the reason for our creation – to enjoy relationship with Him.

When we pursue Him, He stops for us and draws us in even deeper. We delight Him as we step out of our comfort zones and pour out our love on Him, expecting nothing in return, just offering Him our hearts and adoration.

In those moments, His response of love toward us is even greater than we could have imagined it could be and when we leave His presence, we find ourselves longing to continue our pursuit of Him.

“I will pursue You…I will pursue Your Presence…I can’t live without Your Presence….It is life to me, it is the air that I breathe, it’s everything…” (Pursuit, Jesus Culture)

Man's Best Friend - Every House Needs One

I used to go to sleep at night snuggled up to my husband. Now I go to sleep with the dog. I’m actually ok with that. REALLY – I am!

Before you begin to think that our marriage is in trouble, let me allay those concerns. You see, Bri hasn’t stopped curling up next to me and wrapping his arms around me at night, he just does it later than he used to and I’m already asleep when he does (and generally not even aware of it). Instead of coming to bed with me, he’s been going into my office, adjacent to our bedroom, and spending time in worship and prayer. I can sacrifice his presence at night in order for Bri to be in HIS presence, spending intimate time with HIM instead of with me. When my husband connects intimately with the Lover of his soul, he can better love MY soul as a result.

The other night, Bri invited me to pray with him. I sat next to him on the couch and Bri turned on a Kim Walker worship song. The two of us praying together is nothing unusual, but THIS??? It was AWKWARD and…UNCOMFORTABLE. We lasted for about two minutes together (if that) before Bri said, “This is weird.” My response to him? “Oh, HALLELUJAH! GOOD NIGHT!!!” I was so thankful to get out of there! I kissed him goodnight and left as quickly as I could! It felt like I had walked in on two lovers and I was NOT supposed to be there!

This may all sound bizarre to you and that’s ok. Growing into greater depths of intimacy with God has been a progressive journey for us. We didn’t start here. As we’ve spent time in His presence with no real agenda and have allowed love to flow from Him to us and back to Him, that intimacy has grown, much as intimacy grows and deepens between husband and wife over time.

This may still sound foreign, even to those who are married, because many couples don’t ever experience the depth of intimacy between them that I’m describing. I had a conversation the other day in which I shared with someone our three marriage rules. These are the three principles upon which our marriage has been founded. They’re what has saved our marriage when we went through an incredibly difficult time and they’re what has enabled us to grow in intimacy over the years, falling more deeply in love each passing day, loving each other more than we ever knew was possible. These are the rules we live by daily:

1. Jesus Christ is LORD of our lives – period.
2. Divorce is NOT an option – end of discussion.
3. WHEN we argue or disagree, we have committed to always focus on the issue, not make it into a character assassination. We’ve never called one another a name of any sort; never even thought the other was a “jerk” or worse.

The first two rules are ones that are more common among married couples, especially those who are Christian couples. But it’s often the third one that’s left out and it makes all the difference in the world. When we focus on the issue at hand, we can find solutions for addressing it, even if it takes time. If we tear one another down, all we’re doing is damaging the heart and soul of the one we love. That’s not productive at all.

That doesn’t mean that we don’t have character development that needs to take place in each of us. It just means that we let Jesus do that work in the other person and trust God through the process. He’ll do a far better job than we ever could! That being said, God has shown me SO MUCH unconditional love through my husband, transforming my life, healing my heart and making me a much better person than I ever knew I could be, but that was God doing that and my husband was simply His willing vessel. Bri says that I have made him a better man, challenging him, causing him to push past his comfort zone and become the man God has called him to be rather than just float on the current of life.

Please hear me clearly on this. I have A LOT of compassion for those who have gone through a divorce. I remember looking at my pastor’s wife years ago and saying that I really understood why people choose that option because it can seem a whole lot easier than going through what we were going through at that time. I CAN say that the other side is incredibly sweet. We still work hard at our marriage every day. We HAVE to work hard at our marriage because it’s far from perfect. We still deal with issues and some of them even revolve around intimacy. The hard work we put into our marriage won’t ever stop because we know we need it and the benefits of falling in love more deeply every day are too wonderful to NOT work at it!

So, despite missing the warmth of my husband next to me as I fall asleep, I’m ok with having a dog (or two) in my bed for the first time ever. I know that as Bri spends time leaning into Jesus, worshipping, praying, and even falling asleep in HIS arms, that Bri will continue to grow and thrive personally, being an even better husband, father, and life transformer. I can make that sacrifice, sleeping with man’s best friend, so my beloved can spend time with HIS Best Friend. 

Paying the Cost and Living With the Mess

No one builds a house or renovates an older one without it costing something and there are always extra, unexpected things that are needed that raise the cost even more. The question becomes, “Are we willing to pay what will be required of us?” This is a question I’ve been wrestling with lately.

I’ve never wanted to build a new house. First of all, I prefer living in an older home with character and a story to it and, second of all, I don’t want the stress that’s particular to building something new, especially something that’s hard for me to envision since it doesn’t yet exist. I’m a visual learner and if I can’t envision something, I really struggle with grasping the concept. I fully believe that’s why God is gracious enough to speak to me in pictures. He knows how He made me and what I need in order to understand.

I love the idea of renovating that which is old, breathing life back into it, and finding its inner beauty, whether in a piece of furniture or in a home. It means even more to me if I can uncover a story connected to it and it has ties to other people. You can point out nearly anything in our home and I can tell you a story behind it. 

One of the challenges with renovating or refurbishing is the mess that it creates. When I refinish a piece furniture, I can keep the mess contained to a particular area, but when someone renovates a home, the mess seeps into everything as dust fills the air and goes into the vents and ducts. If it’s not properly sealed off from the rest of the house everyone and everything living in or in proximity to it gets covered in the mess.

Personally, I’m not one who likes things to be messy. I like order and cleanliness. I like everything to be in its place and I have a specific place for each item. Having our home be like that gives me a sense of security and peace and makes me feel as if I have a measure of control over at least some aspect of my life. Recently, Bri has taken great delight in rearranging my spice cabinet on me, just because he knows what my reaction will be when I find that my spices are no longer in alphabetical order. Welcome to OUR world…

Renovation isn’t easy. It totally disrupts “normal” life, nothing ever goes as planned and it generally ends up costing more than expected. I’m going to be completely honest. Sometimes I’m not sure if I want to pay the cost and have things get messy and out of control. I don’t necessarily want to be inconvenienced or have my comforts infringed upon and my life disrupted. There are times when I struggle with this, especially when it entails something that I really don’t know what sacrifices will be required to see the dream or vision fulfilled.

I really believe that those who renovate their homes or even build something entirely new are courageous. You have to be courageous to take the risk and give up control to Someone who’s qualified to do the job. There’s a certain degree of fearlessness that’s required to make the decision to be willing to pay the price of renovation and building, knowing it will cost more than you’ve been made aware that it will and that it will test you to the end of who you are and require complete surrender to your Carpenter. That’s a scary decision to make.  

What would motivate someone enough to begin the process? I think there are a lot of answers that can be given, but the one that I believe most answers would be founded on is love because so much comes as a result of relationship founded on love. Maybe the decision to renovate comes from knowing that a renovation would better the relationships that are dear to you, much the same as opening up the kitchen to connect with the family room to create a “great room” in which people could be together while meals are being made draws people closer to one another and deepens connections. In making the decision to allow personal renovation to occur, relationship connections can heal, deepen, or become enriched as we allow the work to happen within us.

Ultimately, I think much of it comes from the depth of relationship we share with our General Contractor, Architect, Carpenter, Designer – the ONE who fills all of those roles. When we are deeply connected to Him and love Him completely, we can trust Him, knowing that the plans He has are the very best plans to meet not only our needs, but also the needs of each of those who enter our “homes.” If we can surrender to His direction and be willing to go through the process, even knowing that it won’t necessarily be easy, we can take the risk, being fearless because we KNOW we are loved.

In her book, Birthing the Miraculous, Heidi Baker writes, “…you can be truly fearless only when you are in love – when you are immersed and yielded to the point that you do not care about the cost.”¹

When your depth of love for your Creator deepens and you recognize that you are loved even more than He loves you, only the dream…the vision…the plans of the Architect that are rooted within your heart matter and the cost and mess that will ensue become inconsequential in the light of that great love.

When we really stop to think about it, any cost that we could make would pale in comparison to the One that was already paid for on our behalf.

Are you willing to be fearless in the face of this immeasurable love and be courageous enough, brave enough, to begin or continue on in the renovation process?

1.       Heidi Baker, Birthing the Miraculous, The Power of Personal Encounters with God to Change Your Life and the World (Lake Mary: Charisma House), 68.

Revitalizing Communities

About 10 years ago, Bri and I felt that God was speaking this scripture to us:

“Those from among you shall build the old waste places; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; and you shall be called the Repairer of the Breach, the Restorer of Streets to dwell in.” 

~Isaiah 58:12

At the time this word stood out to us, we were both involved real estate, filling multiple roles between us – construction, real estate sales, appraisal…We really thought that we were being called to help revitalize literal neighborhoods.

It’s taken all of this time for us to understand this word and how it really applies to us. We didn’t hear Him incorrectly all those years ago. We just didn’t understand the word fully and we weren’t prepared yet to do what He had called us to do. He needed to do quite a bit of renovation and restoration in us personally before we were prepared to work outside of our own “home.”

“Those from among you shall build the old waste places…” – we’re two of those people called to help build. What we’ve been called to build is communities of PEOPLE, going through the renovating, restoring, revitalizing process together. As we do, generations will be raised with strong foundations.

We’ve been called as “Repairers of the Breach.” According to the Encarta Dictionary, “breach” can mean “failure to maintain something, estrangement, a breakdown in friendly relations, a hole in something that is caused by something else forcing its way through, a gap that results when somebody or something leaves.” There are a lot of families and a lot of individual lives in this position. We’ve been called to help people fix it through the love, presence and power of the Great Architect.

When we think of restoring streets to dwell in, it means creating a place where people feel they can really LIVE and have be a HOME to them. It’s a place of peace, security, joy, fulfillment, laughter – a place where memories are made and held dear, a place where people are NEIGHBORS, doing life together.

This process happens one house at a time. It may be that several houses nearby one another are worked on simultaneously, but the work required on each house is different, based on that house’s particular needs. House after house is renovated and eventually an entire community and, therefore generations, emerge revitalized.

This is what we’ve all been called to do TOGETHER. While God may have spoken this to our hearts years ago, it’s a call to each one of us to work together toward these changes. What will come forth from it is a community that people long to live in – one which is sought out to become a part of because it’s seen as being a place of great worth, a place where others want to grow up and raise their own families, a place where people can BELONG, and feel LOVED and ACCEPTED. It will be a place where it’s ok and expected that things will get messy, knowing that it’s all a part of the renovation process and that the end results in greater value being added to the current community.

We’re watching God divinely build community and all He asks of us is to take each next step that He shows us to take in the renovation process. Isn’t that all that God asks of each of us?

Inherent Value

We’ve walked through so much heartache and death with our friends and family over the last year, our pain joining with theirs. So much has seemed broken beyond repair, unable to be fixed or salvaged.

I was thinking about this as I was walking this morning and I suddenly saw in my mind’s eye a picture of a white, weathered, dilapidated barn. Its door was open and inside it was bursting with all kinds of things that had been discarded, deemed to be of no use or value, things tossed aside in favor of new, things that were seemingly useless.

Barns like those are treasure troves. They’re the places where things of great value can be unearthed. They may need some refinishing or refurbishing, but when the hard work is done, they’re more valuable than they were when they were first created. They’ve stood the test of time and have survived. There’s great value in that.

God then reminded me that some of the world’s most valued and treasured works of art were created out of that which had been deemed beyond repair, things that had been discarded. Oftentimes, those things had to be taken apart, piece by piece, then joined with other pieces, old or new, to create something entirely different, something of great beauty, something that the world holds in high esteem, something that speaks to the hearts of those who gaze upon it.

Our lives can be barns filled with all of those things that we’ve deemed beyond repair, beyond saving, beyond help. We’ve tossed them aside, planned on dealing with them later, then they just got buried under the next thing we threw on top of it. Pretty soon, they’re forgotten about entirely and their progression toward brokenness only continues until decay and rot corrodes them completely and they crumble into nothingness.

Instead, we can choose to see the inherent value in those things. We can work to fix, restore or renovate that which is broken, putting in the blood, sweat and tears to cause beauty to shine forth from those things once again. Maybe it’s impossible for it to be repaired. Maybe it needs to be taken apart, bit by bit, joined with other pieces, and made into something entirely new. Life requires that of us sometimes.

Beauty can be brought forth from ashes and those are the things that become priceless.

Architect's Plans

“A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

Have you ever been at a point in your life where you feel dissatisfied, restless, and as if you’re surrounded by regrets? Ideas, plans, dreams, hopes, desires…..something seems to have prevented so many things from coming to pass in our life together. Finances, health issues, and being “tied” to a place for various reasons have seemed to be our biggest obstacles. We can’t or won’t dismiss and ignore all of the wonderful things that HAVE happened and been fulfilled, but this sense of restlessness and feeling like we’re just going through each day without coming closer to reaching the dreams we’ve had for a long time is where we’ve been at for a while.

As I’ve been chatting about this with God, I saw a picture of architect’s plans laid out on a table before two individuals. I understood one to be myself or my husband and the other to be our Divine Architect, the Master Builder Himself. We were looking at the plans together, discussing each aspect of them. We would point things out to one another, each making suggestions or explaining our thoughts behind the plans being drawn a  particular way or even agreeing to make adjustments to the plans to better suit the overall end goal. What I loved about the picture I saw was that even though our Architect had so much greater knowledge than we had, He was willing to plan with us and even adjust things according to our ideas and perspective.

This picture made me think about how at the very beginning, God set up this idea of working together on plans as He accepted Adam’s input in naming all of the creatures of the earth (Gen. 2). Later, God and Abraham shared such depth of relationship with one another that God refused to hide from Abraham His plans for Sodom and even allowed Abraham to “tweak” His original plan for the city (Gen. 18). Even before that crucial discussion, building up to that point we see how the relationship between them grew over time with each sharing their hearts and thoughts and ultimately, revealing their plans to one another and working together toward what was being built and established.

I believe that God invites us into a relationship that includes a partnership with Him – one in which we listen to one another, trust each other, and have such depth of relationship that we can plan together, with the Master welcoming the input of the layman. We were created to have relationship with Him and work alongside of Him, bringing heaven to earth in the most natural ways.

I think this sense of restlessness, dissatisfaction and regret  come from our timing not being the same as His, coupled with our inability to see the final plans in their entirety. I remember not long after I got married my parents were building a new home. I was devastated to have “lost” the home I was familiar with and I just couldn’t visualize what my dad was describing to me over the phone. Personally, I need to SEE things. I’m a visual learner. When things are described to me in an auditory manner, I often can’t translate that into a visual picture in my mind. It leaves me frustrated and, in the case of this new home that would never feel like “my” home, it just made me cry. I couldn’t see beyond this sense of feeling lost, adrift, and even abandoned in a way, despite the fact that I had begun a new adult life with my husband. Life was changing and not only did it seem like I had no say in it, I couldn’t see ahead to the plans for the future. I wanted answers NOW. I wanted to know not only the immediate next steps, I wanted to know all of the ones that were to come and how that was all going to turn out in the end.

Right now, Bri and I have ideas of what we want the plans to be for the future. We see some drawings on the table and are working with our Architect, but we want to not only get moving on the designs, we want to be living in the finished project and enjoying it for years to come. As I type this, I’m thinking that part of this is learning to actually enjoy the process, rather than chafe against it. It’s also about letting that relationship between Master and layman continue to grow and enjoying that, as well. I believe God is inviting us to have those conversations with Him that change His mind and alter His plans, but in a way that still accomplishes His ultimate goal through the process of give and take. He gave us free will with a purpose and invites us to surrender it to Him. We can do that knowing that He is a good Father who loves us deeply and only has the best plans in mind. 

Mirror, Mirror....

Over the last few months, I've really been drawn to connect with God's presence, focusing on Him being right here with me and all around me and connecting heart-to-heart with Him. He's been teaching me about His goodness and what it REALLY means for me. Trust me, I'm still learning how to grasp the fullness of both of these concepts!

He's also been bringing me into a more intimate relationship with Him than I've ever known before. I know the various aspects of relationship we can have with Him - Savior, Lord, Master, Creator, Father, Friend, Husband, Lover, King of Kings and so much more, but I've been drawn into a love relationship with Him that's been sweeter and deeper than what I've experienced before, especially in the role of Husband and His unconditional, unwavering love. (I'm so very blessed to have a real life example in the form of Bri being my husband. He loves me like that and it's beautiful beyond words.) This has been the foundation for what I'm about to share.

The other night we attended an event, called Arise, at our church. At one point, the Aaronic blessing found in Numbers 6:24 was broken down for us, using the Hebrew definitions for bless and keep. With that in mind, the blessing was written out as, "Yaweh will kneel before you presenting gifts and will guard you with a hedge of protection, Yaweh will illuminate the wholeness of His being toward you bringing order and He will beautify you, Yahweh will lift up His wholeness of being and look upon you and He will set in place all you need to be whole and complete." We were encouraged to ask God what gift He wanted to give to us, draw it, and then ask Him, "How does this gift connect with who I am?"

Being completely vulnerable and honest, I haven't had the best of body images over the last couple of years as I gained back weight I've lost. It's really been a struggle and I derail myself when I make efforts. I really want to share about this because what God showed me and spoke to me extends WAY beyond body image to ALL of the wrong ways we EACH see ourselves. Body image is just MY baggage and the lies that I have allowed to be in my head.

Here's what God did. He gave me a hand mirror. When I looked in it, there was no reflection. Rather, there was the word, "TRUTH." I asked Him how this connected with who I am and this is what He said. "I offer you a true reflection of yourself - what you cannot see, even beyond what others see. A beauty that far surpasses what you've ever defined it as being because it's the reflection of who you are in me. It's the truth of the Creator to the created. The Love toward the beloved. It's truth."

I'm sharing this because I really believe that this is a message that the Lover of our souls wants to plant deeply in each of our hearts. We all have mirrors in various rooms of our homes or even as reflections shown in many types of glass that we find scattered here and there. We look in them any number of times throughout the day and we hear words about ourselves. Most often those words are lies that we believe about ourselves, our failings, our weaknesses, our mistakes. He wants to replace the lies we entertain about ourselves with His TRUTH. 

I pray that today you would be able to see His truth about you reflected back at you and that you would be able to embrace it with your whole being. Above all, know that His truth is that you are LOVED as you are. May you sense that more deeply today than you ever have before!

XOXOXOXO

Refinished and Refurbished

I love to refinish furniture, more often than not, choosing to paint it in the process these days. This is much to the chagrin of my sweet husband who loves the look of wood grain. While I do too, I’ve been in a season of painting EVERYTHING with my eye on other household treasures that Bri has requested I leave in their natural beauty. Ahhh….the things we sacrifice for marital harmony…

This morning, I’ve been painting a small end table and it got me to thinking. You see, I discovered this discarded piece of furniture at Goodwill where someone had obviously donated it. They had no use for it, saw no beauty in it and got rid of it. On the other hand, all I could do was look at it, seeing past its imperfections, to its beautiful lines and fine details, envisioning it in its restored beauty, rather than in its current condition. Isn’t that how God sees us and how He calls us to envision one another?

How often do we see ourselves and others as imperfect, honing in on all of the things that we deem to be “wrong” or “bad?” Bri will often say to me, “I wish you could see yourself the way I do.” To which I reply, “And I wish YOU could see YOURSELF the way I see YOU…” Yet, as much as I know Bri and I see so much more in each other than we see in ourselves, I know that God sees WAY beyond that. He looks past our imperfections, our sinful, selfish natures, our woundedness, our “ugliness,” and all He sees is what we are through the Master Craftsman’s refurbishing touch.

Do you know that the definition of “refurbish” is “to bring something back to a cleaner, brighter, or more functional state”? That makes me think of Isaiah 1:18, which says, "'Come now, let's settle this,' says the Lord. 'Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.'" Although stained with imperfections, pain, anger, unforgiveness, hurt and more, He washes us clean through the power of His love and forgiveness, refurbishing our spirits and souls, bringing out the natural beauty within that we were originally crafted as having.

That’s exactly what happens when furniture is refinished. It’s brought back to a cleaner, brighter, more functional state and the things that were seen as ugly or imperfect are made new under the hands of a craftsman (or at least an amateur DIYer). Admittedly, the process of refinishing a piece of furniture takes time, hard work and multiple steps. It’s never done quickly. As much as I would like to hurry the process because I like the end product and want to get to that as fast as I can, it won’t turn out nearly as well if I rush through it. Most of us like the idea of shortcuts and skipping steps, but ultimately, it costs us in the end. 

If we skip steps, like sanding or priming, when refinishing furniture, we may find ourselves back at square one, starting the process all over again, taking the time to do what we should have done in the first place so that what we create will have lasting beauty. Sometimes, too, we get to the point where we don’t want to go that one final step, put on that third coat of paint that’s really NEEDED….it would be so nice to just be done…Yet, if you stop there, you’ll likely always look at it with regret, wishing you’d just put in the extra effort to make it all that it truly could be.

God’s refurbishing in our lives is a process - one with multiple steps that takes time and sometimes requires stripping bare so that the natural, “wood grain beauty” can be coaxed back out in the process. We all get tattered by life and it becomes so easy to see ourselves or others as lacking beauty, value, and worth. That’s not the time to relegate to the discard pile. It’s the time to invest in bringing newness back to that which is tired, worn out and even a bit beaten up. We need to take the time to go through the process and allow others the same grace and opportunity. We are each treasures called to a “cleaner, brighter, more functional state.” There is such beauty in each of us and I can imagine our Father looking on us with excitement and anticipation, exclaiming, “Look at those lines! The curves are so beautiful! What fine details! The beauty I behold captivates me!” 

Building Delays

Have you ever worked on a project either large or small and due to circumstances out of your control, you’ve been delayed during the process? Maybe you’ve ordered specialty tile or cabinets or you simply can’t find the paint color that seems just right. Maybe the contractor you’ve hired to help you got pulled away from your job due to things that were out of his control. It’s frustrating,right?

Well, we’ve been in a season of one delay after another for the last two months. Brian’s dad passed away on February 4^th and we were gone for a week in Connecticut. We came home, worked on catching back up on “normal” things in life (including this blog) and our friends’ ten year old son passed away two weeks after we said goodbye to Bri’s dad. We’ve had some additional challenges as a family and it’s been a time of standstill, scrambling, waiting, confusion, seeking to know what our next steps should be and disappointment. It’s felt as if our GC (General Contractor – i.e. God) has just walked off the job and left us to try to figure things out on our own.

Personally, I NEED to finish things that I’ve started. I like the sense of completion and accomplishment when I’ve wrapped up a project that I’m working on. Being honest, I find a sense of worth in those completed projects. I feel good about myself. All is right with my world. It’s in control. (Read MY control.) When things are left in process, it makes me feel really unsettled, aggravated and as if everything is out of control, especially when I don’t know what the next steps should be or I’m waiting on others to take steps that are necessary in order for me move forward. We put in call after call to our GC and He doesn’t seem to pick up His phone or respond to the MANY messages we leave, although we KNOW He hears them. It leaves us feeling lost, frightened, angry, frustrated and wondering when we can get moving forward again. Yet even then, we have an unshakeable trust in Him, knowing that He has a plan, His timing is always perfect and that He finishes what He starts (Phil. 1:6).

Those times of delay are often the times when we learn the most. I read a definition in my Bible this morning for the words “shall live.” It means, “to live, to stay alive, be preserved; to flourish, to enjoy life; to live in happiness; to breathe, be alive, be animated, recover health, live continuously. The fundamental idea is to, ‘live and breathe,’ breathing being the evidence of life in the Hebrew concept.” These last two months have had an absence of flourishing, enjoyment, happiness, animation and constant living and breathing in the moment. I was reminded this week to look for and anticipate the moments that would take my breath away, the moments of living fully in the moment we’re currently in, of being fully present, not distracted by the things that are or are not going on, being fully alive through it all, not shut down and missing out on the breathtaking moments all around me. 

A friend had a recent conversation with Bri about living in the “pauses” of life. That’s sat with me daily ever since. For someone with my personality, pauses are HARD. I want to be DOING, ACCOMPLISHING, COMPLETING….M-O-V-I-N-G FORWARD. I’m learning to embrace the pause. LIVE in the pause. Trust HIM in the pause. It’s hard. I’m not going to lie about that. BUT….it’s beautiful too. I can’t claim to understand the many mysteries of God and I won’t even try. What I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that He loves us. He cares for us. He treasures us. He protects and defends us. EVEN WHEN IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE IT.

This scripture sat with me this morning as I spent time with Him. It’s from Habakkuk 3:17-19. They’re favorite verses of mine that I hadn’t read in a long time. I love God’s timing.

“Though the fig tree may not blossom,

Nor fruit be on the vines;

Though the labor of the olive may fail,

And the fields yield no food;

Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,

And there be no herd in the stalls –

Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,

I will joy in the God of my salvation.

The Lord God is my strength;

He will make my feet like deer’s feet,

And He will make me walk on my high hills.”

We will not stop dreaming and planning. We will not stop putting our faith in the One who sees far more than we ever will. He has a “bird’s eye perspective” over the building process and we trust in Him and what we cannot see. That silence that has seemed so resounding? He hasn’t been silent at all. He’s simply been speaking in unexpected ways that we weren’t immediately attributing to Him. He’s been answering our voicemails through others, as GC’s often do. We’re living in the delay and allowing the adjusted plans to unfold on a daily basis. It’s hard, but it’s good.

(Definition of “shall live” taken from the “Word Wealth” for Habakkuk 2:4, the Spirit Filled Life Bible, NKJV, published by Nelson.)

Switches

Switches. Every house has them - light switches on walls, switches on every appliance, even switches in our showers and tubs, and every house has a breaker box full of switches that trump every other switch in the house. 

Do you know how a switch works? Simply put in 5^th grade science lesson fashion, a switch completes a circuit. When the switch is “off,” then the circuit is open, preventing the flow of power from getting where it’s intended to go. When the switch is “on,” the circuit is made complete, allowing power to flow freely.

God’s been speaking to me a lot recently about the concept of switches in our lives. There are certain things that happen throughout our days that quickly flip a switch within us and oftentimes, it’s not pretty when the lights come on! Others have switches with delays – they complete the circuit and turn on the power eventually, but not immediately. Switches are intended to work instantaneously. There shouldn’t be a delay. If there’s a delay, then the switch is faulty and it needs to be fixed or even replaced. Other times, we flip a switch with a specific purpose planned and nothing happens at all. Whether the breaker is flipped or the electricity is out or there’s faulty wiring somewhere within, something is preventing the power from flowing where it should go and many times, WE’RE left feeling powerless when this happens.

One of the things that God has particularly been working on in me is the idea that I’ve permitted others to have control over certain switches in my heart, my mind, my emotions. I’ve given them power to wound or anger me – power they were never intended to have. Sometimes it It’s seemed that I’ve just stood there, as if in a dream, watching as someone flipped a switch, triggering things within me that left me in a horrible emotional state. Then….I woke up…. I realized that when I allowed someone else to flip a switch that triggered negative emotions within me, that I was allowing their power to surge through me, overloading my circuits and causing me to blow a breaker.  

It was as if the lights went on, illuminating my understanding. I realized that I was the only one with the right and authority to flip switches in my OWN house. Anyone else who was trying to do that was trespassing. I decided that I had the right and the authority to either let those individuals in or to keep them out of my house and even out of my yard.

Not only that, I took responsibility for my own actions.  I understood that while I might not be able to determine the actions of others, I could control my own actions and reactions and I needed to make conscious decisions that would determine where I was going to allow the power to flow in my life. In each situation, I need to determine which switches were to be on and which were to be turned off.

Some of us have faulty wiring. Things have happened in our lives that have caused short circuits, blown fuses and power failures. That old wiring isn’t working anymore. This kind of renovation goes deep and it comes with a cost. It’s found behind the walls and can be impossible to replace without doing some tearing down first. We need to be willing to allow the Master Electrician to come in, rip out what’s faulty and replace it with wiring that’s perfect. We need to be willing to pay the price of the pain that may come during the renovation and be willing to deal with things looking torn apart for a while. Then, we need to learn from Him how to operate the new switches and wiring and ultimately take the authority to flip the switches in our house or leave them off.

While learning truths like this often isn’t fun because they come as a result of challenging times, we can be grateful for them because of the renovation that occurs when we allow the process to happen. For me, I’ve needed to learn that I control the switches. I govern my actions and reactions. Those are the areas of MY responsibility. These are the places where I have power that’s found in the form of self-control and conscious decision-making. When others try to come and flip those switches, even those who I can’t change being a part of my life, I have the right to not allow them to flip my switches.  This sometimes means keeping certain people at a distance so they can’t reach those switches or, when it’s possible, keeping those individuals out of my yard entirely if that’s a decision that needs to be made for mental and emotional health.

Ultimately, God is our power source. He’s the One whose power courses through our circuits. He gives us authority to choose when to flip switches or not. We need to know Him as our Power Source and know the switches within us, using those to their greatest capacity, allowing His power to flow fully, illuminating the world with His light as it pours out of the windows of our houses. We get to be the conduits and He gives us the choice of how we’re going to walk in it. 

A Good Foundation

“…and it (the house) did not fall, for it was founded on the rock…” (Matthew 7:24-27)

It’s pretty easy to understand that when a house is built on a questionable foundation, it likely doesn’t have much of a chance for remaining standing for generations. Sometimes it’s the ground that the house is built on that’s faulty, as mentioned in Matthew 7; other times, it’s the poured foundation that’s at fault.

Recently, I watched one of my favorite home renovation shows and the house that was having work done on it had a foundation that was literally crumbling. Even though the land it was built on was solid, the foundation itself was faulty. Before the contractor could go any further, she had to have the house raised and the foundation re-poured. If she had done all of the renovations and restored the home to its former beauty, but neglected the foundation, all of the work she had done would have been for naught and she never would have been issued a certificate of occupancy, let alone been able to sell it.  

There are SO MANY directions this post could go in and there will likely be additional posts on this topic, but we decided that the best place to start would be with the foundation that we chose for our marriage. Admittedly, we share a marriage with its fair share of frustrations, but we really do have an amazing, beautifully imperfect marriage in which we’re truly madly in love with each other and still passionate in our feelings toward each other. My heart still races when I hear Bri’s voice. He wraps his arms around me and I just want to be enveloped even more. I call him “love” and he calls me “beautiful.” The sound of his voice still makes me smile and we’re miserable (and cranky) the first day apart following a vacation together because there’s just no one we’d rather be with than one another.

This didn’t just happen. We chose to make it and keep it this way. Before we got married, we determined that we would live our lives together following three “rules.”

1. Jesus Christ is Lord of our lives and of our marriage. Everything for us has flowed out of this principle. This is the solid Rock upon which we’ve built.
2. Divorce is not an option. Period.
3. When we’re angry about something, we’ve committed to deal with the issue at hand, rather than slandering one another’s character.

THIS is what’s seen us through the hard times and trust me, the hard times have come….and come. Let me explain these three little rules just a little more.

First, both Brian and I entered into relationships with Christ at pivotal times in our lives. Bri was 14 and I was 12. We each understood the sacrifice that God had made on our behalf in sending His Son to take punishment that should have been ours, in exchange for a redemptive love that restored to us a right relationship with our Heavenly Father. We surrendered our lives to Jesus’ Lordship and did our best to follow and honor Him. Honestly? Bri did a better job at that than I did, but that’s a story for another time. 

When I met Bri, I would readily confess that I was a Christian, but I definitely wasn’t living the life of one…until God used Bri to turn my heart fully back to Him and caused me to choose Him above the things I had put in His place. Want to know what I first fell in love with about Bri? The way he would teach me about Jesus….we would talk for HOURS. He would drive me home, we’d steam up the windows PRAYING, then he would walk me to the door, hug me goodnight and tell me he’d talk to me the next day. That was considerably different than the “normal” drop offs I’d had after dates! As we fell in love (Bri says he knew the night we met that he’d just met his wife) and knew in our hearts that God had called us to be married, we knew that having Christ as the center of our lives individually and as a couple was a non-negotiable for us to make it as a married couple. Everything in our life together has been built on this decision.

Second, we determined that no matter what, for us, divorce simply wasn’t an option. This isn’t to say that we’re in any way condemning those who have gotten divorced. We know that we live in a sin-filled, fallen world and there are consequences for our actions that can take any number of forms and sometimes, it’s the innocent who pay the greatest price. (Check out Uriah’s fate in II Samuel 11.) There are times or circumstances when we believe people shouldn’t remain married and our hearts have broken with friends and family who have been through it themselves.

On my side of the family, there’s been a history of divorce. On Brian’s side, there hasn’t been. The fact is that people are torn apart during divorce and we decided for us that we’d push through no matter what we faced. I’ll be honest. We hit a REALLY rough period in our marriage and there came a time when I looked at our pastor’s wife and said, “I have a lot of compassion and understanding for those who opt to divorce because it can seem a whole lot easier to do that than to go through what we’re going through right now.” I remember crying out to God and saying, "Lord, I KNOW I love this man, but...could you please help me feel it again?" All I can say is that when you get to the other side, it’s beautiful. What we have now is so much better than anything we’d had prior to that – even in the best of times. We’ve been refined by fire and we’re better for it, individually and together. Every day we fall more deeply in love with each other. We may not always feel it happening, but we look back and realize that it did. We not only love each other, we have a deep respect and admiration for one another.

Last, but not least, when we argue (because we do) we deal with the issue that’s causing the argument, rather than seek to assassinate the other’s character. I can truthfully say that we’ve never called one another a name, let alone a choice word. I’ve never thought of my husband as a jerk or worse and he’s never thought that of me. Do we do things that drive each other crazy? Yep. But we deal with the issue that’s making us frustrated, rather than allow anger or hurt to cause us to speak things that tear the other apart.

So, these three rules are the foundation upon which we’ve built. It’s saved our marriage and caused it to be what it is today. We’ve made one another better people. I’m who I am because of the ways in which God has worked in my life through my husband and vise versa. We know that this foundation is one that will last for generations and be a legacy that we can confidently pass on to our children.

So, what’s YOUR foundation look like? Where have you built it? What condition is it in? Do you need to lift up your house and fix the foundation before you do any other renovating? If needed, take the time to fix your foundation – at least double check it – before you go any further…