Letting Go

I’m a hoader – of sorts. I don’t fill our house to overflowing and the things I save aren’t useless pieces of junk. They’re things that have meaning. As our children have grown up, I’ve been saving anything and everything that I was certain they would want to treasure and smile at as they had their own families – like every piece of school work they brought home, including every piece of work we completed during the years that I homeschooled them. I always planned on creating separate boxes for each child and separating everything by year, but since we have four kids close together in age, I was lucky to have one box per year that I tossed everything into as it came home! I know they’ll love me for it someday…

I also still have every note I passed during certain years of school. I thought it would be really important for me to be able to go back and read those as my kids were reaching that particular age. It would help me remember what it was like to be a 7^th grader or a freshman or other ages. I imagined myself sitting with my daughter someday, reading through the notes, laughing about how silly they seemed, while talking through how important that drama was at that time in my life and relating it to what she was going through right then. It was a beautiful picture in my mind…and one never acted upon in real life. In spite of that, those notes sit in a box somewhere with all of the other boxes we’ve stored in the basement because I’m still hanging onto them, unable to let them go.

Our lives can often be a picture of that, can’t they?  There are so many things we hang onto, believing we’ll want or need them someday and while they may not be kept in literal storage rooms, we tuck things away in our minds, preserving them and keeping them more fresh than any box ever could.

Minds are incredible things. It’s amazing to me to realize how much I’ve held onto and yet how much I’ve completely forgotten. I’ve blocked out whole portions of my growing up years because they were hard and I believe that my mind has protected me from remembering every little detail because of the pain it would bring.

Still, some of those things replay over and over in my mind as if I’ve put the film on repeated loop. You know what that’s like, right? Those are things that have been stored away for safekeeping that we then take out every now and again, view in our mind’s eye, memorize every detail (again) and sink into experiencing it over and over. When the memory is a good one, that can be a wonderful experience. When it’s painful, it’s something else entirely.

Sometimes, we’re completely blindsided by a memory that we’ve packed up and placed in a vault with higher security measures than would be found at Fort Knox. It has remained in that place, likened by some to an enclosed time capsule, completely untouched for years. When it’s dug up and unlocked, it can be as fresh and new as if it had just happened and the associated feelings can be almost unbearable.

At times, those things can be blown open, set off by a trigger device that we thought we’d kept out of reach. Then we’re left shell shocked by the breach of that which we thought had been securely locked away.

I believe that at other times and in God’s perfect timing, the Holy Spirit gently and kindly unlocks things within us that we’ve kept hidden away, and even forgotten about, because God wants us to experience the freedom found in letting those things go. He has the master set of keys to every lock and knows the combination to any safe ever created. Nothing is hidden from Him. He knows where we’ve buried it and out of His abundant love, He uncovers it, brings it out and offers us an invitation to be rid of it.

The hard part for us can be the letting go. Even in the most practical of terms, when we clean things out in our homes, it can feel painful to let go of things not needed or used because we have an attachment to them. It’s much the same way in letting go of the unseen things - we have an attachment to those things for any number of reasons. Maybe it’s due to shame. Maybe it’s because we’re protecting others. Maybe it’s due to fear of what others might think if they see our junk out at the curb. Maybe it’s simply due to the fact that we’re comfortable with it being where it is and it’s going to take too much effort to get rid of it.

Those things that we hang onto create clutter and eventually leave very little room for the things that we want to hold onto. Like items that are perishable, some things begin to rot, stink, and even decay the things nearest to them. Other things are held onto for so long that the boxes they’re held in begin to break down, toppling over and spilling out everything onto whatever is around them.

We need to let go of the things that we don’t need – things that bring us pain and warp our image of ourselves. Those things need to be removed so that they no longer clutter our thoughts and become such weighty burdens that they’re too heavy or too big to lug around. We don’t need them. They aren’t treasures and there’s no good value in them, even in the eyes of others.

The best way to unlock the vaults and unload the boxes is through the power of forgiveness offered to yourself and to others. While it’s not my intention to make light of it because it’s not a simple matter, it’s easier than you would think. Put simply, Jesus died on the cross on our behalf so that we might be forgiven when we had done nothing to earn that forgiveness. If He did that for us, who are we to not forgive ourselves or others?

It’s time to clean house. Use the power of forgiveness to loosen your grip and make the choice to let go.

You don’t need that stuff anyway.

Monsters Under the Bed

Remember when you were little, you’d been tucked into bed, the lights were out…and you were SURE something was hiding under the bed? You could hear it breathing, were sure it was drooling, and you KNEW that it had its fangs bared, ready to gobble you up. You could hardly breathe and were too scared to cry out. You definitely weren’t going to put your feet on the floor to run out the door because that assured you would instantly be grabbed and dragged under the bed to certain death.

You tried to talk yourself out of it – tell yourself it wasn’t real…but imagination is powerful, paralyzing. Eventually, you’d manage to squeak out a call to your parents or babysitter. They would come in, discover your terror, turn the lights on and show you the truth – no monsters were hiding under your bed. They’d calm your fears, tuck you back in and say goodnight again, this time leaving the door cracked and the hall light on to let the light dispel the darkness. With light shining in, you weren’t afraid. Peace came over you and you could drift off to sleep knowing you were safe because monsters couldn’t hide in the light.

Even as adults, we’re still terrified of monsters – they simply come in a different form. No longer are they hiding under our beds, but inside our minds. Our minds can be dark places and darkness only breeds more darkness. Things look so different in the dark. An innocent shadow can appear to be a living source of imminent danger waiting for the opportune time to make its move; a sudden noise confirmation that it’s about to take place. Then, when we finally awaken in the morning and light floods the room, fear has left us and we realize just how silly we were the night before.

Because of our pasts, many of us have hidden monsters that no one else has seen or known about, but they speak their lies to our minds, paralyzing us with fear and leaving us unable to cry out for help.  We think that if others knew the truth, they would never see us the same again. They would reject or abandon us entirely because the truth makes us too ugly to love, so no one can know it. The monster of shame has come and torn us to shreds with its razor-sharp teeth.

Think about it, though. When you come into a dark room and turn on the light, it dispels the darkness and darkness can no longer fill that space. Did you know that God is personified as LIGHT?

• “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?” (Psalm 27:1a)
• “Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, ‘I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.’” (John 8:12)
• “This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all.” (I John 1:5)

Did you know that He calls us out of darkness and into the light? “But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.” (I Peter 2:9, emphasis mine)

Here’s the thing with God – we feel like we need to cry out for help because we’re trapped in darkness with monsters under the bed, but God is actually taking the initiative and proactively calling us out of it and into the light. We don’t have to ask for a rescue, He’s already there and He’s the light Who is able to dispel the darkness for good.

How I wish it were as easy as simply flipping on a light switch…Here’s the hardest part in my mind. We need to actually be willing to respond to His call, which means we need to allow His voice to become louder than the voices of the monsters telling us lies. Lies that would seek to isolate us from others, keep things hidden, cause us to live in shame and paralyze us from taking the first step to come out of the darkness and into the light.

That first step can be terrifying and can feel incredibly costly, as if you’re going to lose everything dear to you. It requires bravery and courage. Even though God is the embodiment of light and He’s calling you out of darkness, you may need to squeak out a cry for help and allow those who love you to come be God’s unconditional love in tangible form, turning on the light on for you and showing you that the light has chased away the monsters. Let those people surround you.

We also need to be willing to let go. There are some who simply shine a RAY of light into the darkness. They want to leave it, but choose stay in the shadows, held there by shame and guilt. They cling to the monsters, unwilling to let them go because they’re familiar to them. Even if they chase them away, they somehow miss them and invite them back. They want them to go, but they may not fully believe in the goodness and love that can be found in the light, that those would be enough to bring healing, acceptance and love, so they cling to that which they know. Somehow, that feels safer for them, without any risk or need to be courageous. They "need" their monster.

Recently, I’ve been allowing God to shine His light into darkness of my own, kicking out monsters that have lived under my bed for far too long. I can tell you that He IS able and through the pain, a depth of grace and peace has rested on me like I’ve never experienced before and I’ve discovered beauty within because of it. Truth has finally been able to illuminate my mind and there is freedom in my soul. I KNOW that I am a beloved daughter, adored by my Father, and I am reveling in the love that He’s pouring out on me. I delight Him and He has brought “my soul out of prison, that I may praise His name; the righteous have surrounded me, for He has dealt bountifully with me.” (Psalm 142:7, paraphrased)

My heart is that you, too, would be able to drive out and let go of the monsters under your bed, discovering the same freedom I’ve found. Be brave. Let His light shine into the darkness and if you need help, let me know. I’d love to surround you with His love. Trust me – monsters can’t hide in the light.

Work in Progress

I could never live in a house under construction. The mess, the people in and out, the delays, the number of decisions to make…I would completely lose it.

I like everything around me to be in its place, neat and tidy. Order brings peace to my world; a feeling that all is right and well in my life. It gives me a sense of protection, with my home being a strong fortress in which I can find refuge.

There are always the small things that need to be repaired, which are easy to handle. Even while doing minor repairs, we can still clean the house and put everything in order. Then we can invite people into our home and no one will see the leak under the bathroom sink…nor do they necessarily know that the inside frig doesn’t work very well, so we really use the one in the garage…or that under the poster on that bedroom door is actually a BIG hole.

While some things can’t be missed, like the driveway caving in or a garage door needing repair, guests have no idea what actually needs to be addressed in our home. We create it that way. We want others to see the very best, not the mess. But, we know. We live with it every day.

That’s pretty much a picture of our lives, isn’t it? We like things to be neat and tidy. We keep things patched up and glued together or even hidden so that it looks like everything is in great shape. If we put a fresh coat of paint on the walls or line them with wallpaper, we can cover up a whole lot of scars and imperfections. It gives us a feeling that everything is all right. We can still invite people in, because we’re able to hide our brokenness.

Yet, it’s all an illusion.

Bri will sometimes look at a bathroom renovation with a potential client and they’ll tell him that for now, they only want to replace the tile on the walls, not the shower base. Bri will show them how their shower base is already beginning to break down and within a short time, they’ll be forced to go ahead and replace the shower base, potentially causing damage to the new tile. Even worse, if they wait on the base, it WILL worsen and it may cause even greater issues that will require the shower having to be completely redone all over again. The clients’ goal is understandably to save money, but in the end, it will cost them so much more to not address it completely and fully from the start.

It’s the same in our lives. We ignore things that are broken within us. We cover it up, make it look pretty and go throughout our days acting like all is well. We like to focus on that which will cost us the least and try to get away with only renovating what we WANT to change.

We’d rather not make a mess of EVERYTHING. People would SEE that.  We couldn’t keep that hidden and it would get all over everything. Besides, a project like that would be a lot of work, it would be costly, and it would likely run over schedule. Who has time to have their life interrupted for that long?

Ask me to live in the midst of renovation? I don’t think so! Stuff would be in piles all around me and dust would cover everything. The constant banging and other construction noises would put me right over the edge. I would get totally over stimulated and “peopled out.” Trust me. It wouldn’t be pretty! Just do the repairs on what I’m willing to do for now and I’ll deal with the rest when it’s REALLY needed.

The problem? Renovation is inevitable. At some point, things will either become so bad that there’s no choice but to fix them or we’ll arrive at the place where we no longer want to live in past decades. Certain things need to be ripped out, let go of, and have the focus shifted to the present day. If we wait to deal with rotting areas, those will begin to affect the areas around them – relationships, work, health and so much more.

Eventually, we’ll be forced to gut everything and live in the mess – a mess we’ve now initiated and invited in. That’s exactly what’s needed to happen all along.

The idea of renovation can be scary. There are so many unknowns. What’s behind that wall? What will I find under the carpet? What if it’s a whole lot worse than what I’m expecting? What if things don’t turn out the way I’ve pictured it in my mind? What if there are delays and I’m stuck in this mess even longer? What if it ends up costing me way more than I had planned on paying?

Terrifying. Real. Paralyzing. Who wants all of that?

But if we wait, the brokenness within keeps getting worse and it begins to affect other things in our lives. As many have been quoted as saying, “Change happens when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change.”

So, we give in. We welcome the Contractor and His construction crew. We work together with them and we allow them to make a mess in order to create something of greater beauty and function. We allow the work to continue, even past the time when we thought it would be complete. We know that in the midst of the project, we’re still safe and protected because now, our true refuge and fortress is being uncovered and it’s been worth the cost.

Whole. New. Beautiful. We want ALL of that. And, God will give us the grace we need during the process.

Grace to live in the daily mess.

Grace to have things be in process and not immediately completed.

Grace to be patient as the work is done.

Grace to find joy along the way.

Because we trust the One doing the work, it will turn out even better than we could have ever imagined.