The Field

This is a complete departure from the way I normally write, but this is what was on my heart today. I hope that through it, you'll find yourself caught up in His arms of love...

In a field was a girl, walking through the tall grasses, clothed in a flowing white dress, fingers brushing the tips of each blade of grass in her path.

She knew He was there. Heart filled with expectancy and anticipation, she looked for Him. The sun shone down brilliantly all around, warming her face and adding to her joy. “He’s here…I know He’s here…”

Peace filled her soul with each step she took. A light breeze caught her hair, wrapping it around her face, and she laughed in delight.

A large tree stood in the distance, a majestic sentinel keeping watch over the meadow. There He stood next to it, watching her approach, utter delight upon His face.

Catching sight of Him, she hiked up her skirt, running to Him as swiftly as her bare feet would carry her. In a burst of love-filled speed, He had her caught up in His arms, swinging her around, squeals of laughter and deep rumbles of joy filling the air.

Lifting her into His arms, He carried her to the tree where He sat down, back against its trunk, cradling her close to His heart, her head resting against His chest. She breathed deeply of His fragrance and listened to the beating of His heart as He gently stroked her hair. All she could think was that here, in His arms, she was home; she was safe, protected, and loved.

Then, the realization hit her and she sat up, looking over His shoulder. The tree upon which the One whom she loved leaned was a purposeful reminder of the tree, in the form of a cross, which had brought them together, making it possible for them to revel in the fullness of their love relationship. She was reminded anew of just how deeply He loved her and how sacrificial that love really was. He not only waited for her as she searched for Him, He had prepared the way, making the path open for her to come to Him through His own sacrifice.

She leaned back against Him, overwhelmed by the depth of His love. She felt His arms wrap around her even more tightly and knew that He was responding to her thoughts. 

“I am Yours and You are mine for all eternity…”

Blossoms

I love when spring comes and fills the trees with colors of white, light pink, purple, yellow and fuschia. I look out my office window at home and see blossoms everywhere. It’s as if everything on the earth has awakened and new life has come after months of grays and browns had swallowed up nature’s vibrancy.  

I can’t help but think of the ways that the very same thing has been happening in the lives of so many around us. I’ve watched as friends whom we love and care about deeply have come through challenging times and been transformed through their winter season, having now entered into their spring. Winter been harsher for some, while it’s been milder for others. One friend called this morning just to say that after all she’s walked through, she’s never been happier in her life or closer to Jesus. Other sweet friends, whose life looked very different just two years ago, are moving across the nation to live in a place where they’ll be fulfilling dreams that have only been dreams…until now. They’re each blossoming in their own ways and there’s such beauty in it.

What’s always fascinated me is that the blossoms I love so much can’t burst forth unless death has come first.  I’m particularly mindful of that right now since it’s Holy Week – the week we remember the greatest sacrifice ever made and the Resurrection that overcame Death once and for all. There’s an oft-told legend of the Dogwood tree in which it’s been said that it used to be a very large tree and its wood was chosen for use as the cross Christ carried. It was so sorrowed by its use that Christ took pity on its suffering and said that it would no longer grow large enough for its wood to be used for such a purpose. Its blossoms would be in the shape of a cross with brown and red marks for the rust of the nails and blood of Jesus and in the center of the blossom, there would sit a crown of thorns. Whether this legend holds any truth really doesn’t matter. The Dogwood outside my window still draws my heart close to my Savior through its blossoms.  

The blossoms I see all around me give me hope and fill my heart with anticipation. I know that no matter how long the winter may be, spring will come and new life will burst forth. It’s impossible for the season of death and desolation to last forever. Even in those dreary months when darkness seems pervasive and never-ending, joy can be found. I think of the fun of sledding, being curled up by the fire, playing games with our family, snuggling together and watching movies, and celebrating Christmas, which is my favorite time of the year even though it falls during the winter season. Even during those months that can seem so bleak, we can find joy, wonder and love.

Our winter seasons don’t generally coincide with nature, but each time a season changes on earth, I’m mindful that the seasons of my life will change, too. Even though the winter months of our lives may seem to be lasting longer than they should with Punxsutawney Phil declaring that we’re in store for another 6 weeks of it, the seasons of our lives will change. We’ll blossom and grow. There will be new life and those around us may even marvel at the beauty of it.

Playing in the Rain

I still remember when I got in trouble for playing out in the rain. I was only 9 or 10 and couldn’t figure out why it was such a problem. I was wet, but we weren’t even going anywhere. All these years later, I still love playing in the rain. I let our kids dance and play in it when they were little and joined them, dancing along beside them as the rain splashed the earth. We would come inside soaking wet and laughing; oftentimes, they didn’t even have any clothes on. When we first moved to Georgia and Bri was still in Connecticut finishing up a job he was working on, he would come and visit us some weekends. One weekend, we were out running errands together and stopped at a Starbucks for a cup of coffee. The skies had opened up and bucketfuls of water were pouring down. We splashed in the puddles, kicked water at each other, laughed and kissed as the rain fell on our faces. That will forever be known as “our” Starbucks…

There’s something about the rain…the way it washes over us, splatters on our faces, sometimes falling on our smiles, at other times, mixing with our tears.  It’s cleansing, refreshing, at times scary and overpowering, leaving us feeling exposed and unsafe, at other times making us feel secure as we sit cozied up inside, blankets wrapped around us, with rain pelting the windows.

I think part of the reason why I love rain so much – its feel, its smell – is because of its touch upon my spirit and soul and the way that it’s inextricably connected to Holy Spirit. I see Him and sense Him in the rain and I sense the Father’s delight at my play and His laughter at my antics. I feel Holy Spirit wash over me, splattering me with His very being. It can feel overpowering and even a bit scary at times, but it makes me think of C.S. Lewis’ (1950) The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe when Susan asks if the great Lion, Aslan, is safe. "Safe?" said Mr. Beaver. "Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you.”

I feel the same way about Holy Spirit. My life with Him is anything but “safe,” sometimes leaving me feeling exposed, but He’s good and there is no adventure like the one I’m on with Him. More often than not, He wraps me up in His presence, making me feel loved, secure, safe, at home, and even empowered. At other times, He washes over my broken, battered and tattered self, cleansing my wounds, His water mixing with my tears and washing them away.

I’m much more apt to play in the rain when my hair is curly. I don’t worry about messing up a hairstyle that I’d spent time straightening. When my hair is curly, I’m unencumbered, without any worries about how the rain will “mess things up.” I’m much more willing to get messy when I haven’t invested the time into trying to get things perfect. My husband will be the first to say that I’m the most beautiful in those moments when I’m drenched and imperfect, a smile filling my face. It’s the same with Holy Spirit. Being willing to freely soak in His presence, unencumbered by perfection, drenched in His love, causing a smile to well up from within and pour out…it’s beautiful. Sometimes we get so entrenched in needing things to be a certain way because we’ve worked hard for them to be a certain way that we stay out of the rain altogether, when what would bring us true joy is to go out and play, get messy, laugh, and smile.

I feel it in my bones, You’re about to move

I feel it in the wind, You’re about to ride in

You said that You would pour Your Spirit out

You said that You would fall on sons and daughters

So let the rain drench us in love

Let Your power rush in like a flood

(Spirit Move, Bethel Music, 2015)

Let the rain pour down, soaking you. Let it wash over you, love its feel and its smell…Be imperfect, without worries about how you look. Be a beautiful mess. Dance and play. Be free.

Lewis, C.S. (1950). The lion, the witch, and the wardrobe. Macmillan, NY.

When the Dog Bites

A few days ago, I was out walking and long story short, got bitten in the leg by a dog. Of course, I had stopped carrying my pepper spray, thinking I really didn’t need it. How wrong I was! While the bite had broken the skin and left some bruising, it fortunately wasn’t serious. What affected me more was how frightening the situation had been for me, especially since the dog continued to follow me across the road to a neighbor’s house where I took refuge.  For the rest of the night, each time I had to share the story with someone, I began to shake. The incident was so unexpected, my leg hurt like crazy, and I felt a measure of trauma from it. I crawled into bed after taking a hot shower, drank a cup of tea, used essential oils to help foster a sense of peace and calm within me and had my husband hold me. I just wanted all to be right with my world again.

There was one point in the evening when Bri asked me if I had talked to Jesus about what had happened. I was NOT in a frame of mind to have a conversation yet. I didn’t even feel like I could think straight at that point! Then, the next morning I went to church and a friend who had seen my post about having been bitten asked if I was ok and followed that with, “Have you talked to God about this yet?” Point taken, Jesus, hint received…So, I had a conversation with Him. It didn’t take long and it was quite simple. It went something like this:

Me: Lord, I know you didn’t cause that dog to bite me, but what do you want me to take away from this having happened?

God: Fear has entered into your life. The snarling dog and his pursuit of you, even across a busy road, represent fear’s pursuit of you.

That gave me a lot to think about and I knew I was given a choice in that moment – continue on in fear or make the choice to not let fear dominate me. I thought about all of the things that I struggle with that cause fear. It’s primarily centered on security and having the finances to meet even our most basic needs. When those needs aren’t met, I become incredibly fearful and the dog is biting at my leg.

I thought about being in that situation with the dog aggressively coming toward me. I relied on what I knew to do in my own strength and power – I didn’t run and I used a very deep, loud voice to declare, “NO!” The problem was that what I did in my own strength and power wasn’t enough. The dog got his bite in and continued to pursue me, causing fear to keep me behind a closed door that I wouldn’t come out from behind until two other men went outside to check for the dog and my husband was on his way to “rescue” me. It never occurred to me in the midst of the situation to cry out to God for help or to use the name of Jesus with power and authority. I automatically fell back on what I knew to do on my own to help myself in a scary situation. I didn’t beat myself up over that, but it did make me think of how often I do that in any variety of situations.

When we find ourselves in need with our backs up against a wall, we pray and cry out to God for help, but we often default to doing all that we can in our own strength to save ourselves, coming up with solutions that may not always be HIS solutions. We react out of fear, making a swift decision and jumping at the most immediate way out when traveling that way can lead us on a much longer path to being saved from the very thing that’s causing us to fear. It reminds me of the Israelites who wandered in the desert for 40 years because they let fear dominate the majority and an entire generation never entered the Promised Land. They missed out on so much, including the miracles that God performed on their behalf when they eventually faced their enemies in the land God had given them. He did so much more on their behalf than they ever could have done for themselves. Just think of the walls of Jericho!

The passage in Matthew 6: 25-34 comes to mind. Jesus ends by saying, “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’…For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own troubles.”  Even knowing this, how many of us fear and worry about both the big and the small? Much of what we worry about is completely out of our control, which is why we fear it.

When Todd White spoke at our church the morning after I was bitten, he shared a word picture of holding a daisy and pulling off each petal one-by-one, saying of the Father, “He loves me. He loves me. He loves me…” There’s never a “not” attached to that when you’re thinking of how the Father loves each of us. Being sure of that beyond a shadow of a doubt keeps fear at bay, closing the door in its face, and gives us authority over it so that it has no longer has power over us. I KNOW that we have a Father in heaven who adores us and cares for our every need and I KNOW He WILL stand by His word because He is faithful.   Because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is a good, good Father, I don’t need to be afraid. I can trust, even when things look scary.

While the dogs may pursue and nip at us, we can be assured that even in those situations, He IS protecting us and He does a much better job of it than we can do for ourselves. The choice is ours. Are we going to continue on in fear or choose to not let fear dominate us? My decision is made. How about you?

Boundaries

As I was reading in Joshua this morning, I was struck by a long, detailed list of the borders of the land allotted to Judah. I’ve got to be honest; I was bored. It was only twelve verses; however, I couldn’t help but wonder why on earth God thought these details were important enough to include them in the Bible because when I read them, they have no meaning to me since none of the places listed are familiar to me. I can appreciate the historical factor of having it included, but it prompted me to ask God why borders are so important to Him. Within me, I immediately heard, “They create boundaries.”

Hmmmm…that made me wonder why boundaries are so important, which in my mind automatically linked together both physical boundaries and emotional boundaries when I began to consider their importance.

The list I created was this:

• Boundaries provide safety, keeping those things in that should stay in and keeping those things out that are potentially harmful.
• Boundaries create a sense of ownership.
• Boundaries provide a record for future generations to know the history of the area – both what has been conquered and what has been taken.
• When there are boundaries, it provides an understanding for people to know where they belong and also to Whom they belong.
• Boundaries also keep things out that we’re not meant to have dwell among us because those things draw us away from God and His plans for our lives.

So, how does this apply to living a renovated life? In all kinds of ways! More than one book has been written on the topic of establishing healthy boundaries in our lives. I’m not going to try to rewrite what has already been said so well. Put quite simply, boundaries establish a line that we either allow others to cross or we don’t, and there are those for whom we need to have very strong boundaries in place for our mental health and overall well-being. That may mean that we keep them physically out of our lives or, if there is reason for them to remain in our lives, we set up clear limitations of what is allowed, even in the ways in which we’re spoken to, and what isn’t permitted, standing our ground to keep those boundaries in place.

When we set boundaries, we take ownership over that area. We have a sense that it’s ours to tend, keep, nurture and cause to thrive. We know what’s ours and we take care of it. Future generations also know our history as we pass it down through storytelling, written records of marriages, births, home leases and ownership, journals and more. Generations can know what we’ve conquered, where we’ve failed  and also the ground we’ve laid claim to as our own, leaving it as a legacy to their generation and beyond.

Boundaries can create a sense of family, community, tribe and culture. They can be found in any setting and they can be healthy or not. For instance, our past includes being a part of a church culture that became incredibly unhealthy and it took us years to heal from it. Our journey out of it has included setting up boundaries that now also consist of not only being able to identify when things are “off,” but in being able to say no to following a leader when that’s the best decision for us to make.  It’s founded on knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt to Whom we belong and Whose leading we follow.

I think what struck me most in my reading this morning were the notes I read about those whom the Israelites didn’t quite drive out from their midst. Two of the places were in Joshua 15:63 and 16:10, but those certainly aren’t the only places where this idea is mentioned. The notes in my Spirit Filled Life Bible talk about how Israel’s failure to fully drive out the foreigners in their land would affect “the moral and social fiber of their lives for generations” and how it would also “eventually turn the Israelites from following God” (p. 328). I know that I can look back at times when I’ve allowed relationships to become a part of my life, both as friends and as love interests, and those individuals have drawn me away from my relationship with my First Love. If not for His grace, my life would have been train wrecked more than once, most especially when I was engaged at 19 to an abusive alcoholic, all the while professing my faith in Christ, yet not honoring Him with my body or my actions.

I wasn’t following God during those times, but God still pursued me, much as He illustrated through the life of Hosea and his marriage to Gomer. God continued to love me, just as He continued to love Israel despite the multitudes of times they turned away from Him. He restored me and when I read words like these, I see myself in them, “For you have stumbled because of your iniquity (sin); take words with you, and return to the Lord. Say to Him, ‘Take away all iniquity; receive us (me) graciously.’”…To which He responds, “’I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely’” (Hosea 14:1-2, 4, words in parentheses added).

I have enough strong will in me to sometimes fight against things that I may feel have been imposed on me, but I’ve learned that boundaries aren’t for hemming in unnecessarily, imprisoning those within. Instead, they’re a protection, a means of keeping those things out that aren’t meant to come in and keeping within those things that are meant to remain. They create a sense of identity and ownership and within that dual plan, we can know to Whom we belong. We can also know that when we’ve strayed outside of our borders and stumbled, we can return, experience healing and know that we are loved.

Spirit Filled Life Bible (2013), New King James Version, Thomas Nelson Publishing.